We spent a lot of time searching for a new doctor. We asked for referrals and checked them out rigorously.

In the process, we uncovered many parents who had been with our first OB. The comments we received about her were startling. Although we were not pleased with her, we were shocked to hear from so many other people about their negative experiences with the same doctor. This just reinforced our belief that we needed to find a new doctor.

On January 19th, we had out first appointment with Dr. Williams, our new doctor. From the first moment we met with him, we adored him. He spent nearly an hour and a half with us in our first appointment.

He immediately scheduled two ultrasound tests and a follow up appointment.

Dr. Williams prepared referrals to our neonatologist, Dr. Traugott. The medical dream team was starting to fall in place.

On January 31st, we met with Dr. Traugott, the head of pediatrics at Mercy Medical Center. He sat with us for over an hour while we talked about what we wanted for our baby.

He prepared a care plan that expressed our desire to give Jordan every chance we could while not resorting to extreme measures that would prolong his suffering. Dr. Traugott arranged for us to have as much privacy as possible while in the hospital. He also made it possible for our friends and family to have almost unlimited access to Jordan. This is very unusual for the NICU.

To our relief, we were on the same page with Dr. Traugott. His gentle demeanor and loving care convinced us that God has sent an angel to answer our prayers.

Although we knew the condition was serious, we continued to pray for our baby. We prayed for complete miraculous healing. We prayed that the birth defects would not be as severe as some of the babies we had read about. We prayed that God would allow us to meet our son and to kiss his head and get to know him. We prayed that he would live to meet his younger brother or sister before going home to Jesus.

We prayed daily (and sometimes several times each day) from the day we received the diagnosis until our son was born. The only way we could survive this experience, we decided, was to press in to God and rely on Him for our strength and courage.

During this time, we came to believe that every moment we were allowed to have with our son was a blessing. Thanks to the help of our good friend, Don Ostendorf, we agreed to stop grieving our loss until the appropriate time came.

Our son was with us each day and that was a reason for celebration. We began to cherish every kick and jump, every hiccup, and every stretch. We would praise God for the time we were given no matter how brief it may be.

We cried a lot and we laughed a lot. That is a good description of our life together, but during this period, the good times seemed unbelievably happy and the bad time were unbearably dark.

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